Autism & the Dad Factor

From time immemorial, dads are expected to bring home the bacon while moms are seen in a more nurturing role, caring for the family and bringing up the children. A mom could be running a company, yet she would be the one to figure out what’s for dinner or help her child make a chart for his science project. Coming to Autism, we hear of many moms who are doing such great work with their children and helping others too. Rarely do we hear about Autism dads, though there is a popular Autism blog “The Autism Dad”.

Autism is a life-changer and parents, be it a mom or a dad go through a journey of different stages till they reach that ideal state of “acceptance”. It is a journey one has to undertake alone and go through the various stages of shock, pain, grief, anger, frustration and finally acceptance. There are no short cuts in this and one would take his or her own time depending on who they are as individuals and their life-experiences.

An Autism diagnosis can be extremely difficult and trying for a family. It could shake the very foundations of a marriage like nothing else; some marriages survive, some do not. Many a time, dads may not accept the child’s disability and become estranged from the family. Such dads miss out on the pain and the joy of bringing up such a child and also the chance to discover their inner strengths.

Some dads could be part of the family, yet plagued by “acceptance” issues. They incessantly worry about their image, society and the stigma attached to any kind of disability. These dads try their best to keep up the pretence of “normal” for their child. In their efforts to hide the disability, they miss out on discovering the innocence and beauty of their child. Instead of looking at the beauty of the rose, they only see its thorns. Some of these dads do eventually accept Autism while some may remain in denial for life.

Then there are these dads, who no matter what the pressures of life, ensure that they make the child their number one priority. They bond with the child, spend quality time giving them unconditional love and support. These dads are on a different journey – seeing things from their child’s perspective, slowing down their pace, and discovering a new meaning to life.     

I have been able to do a lot of things like attend workshops, travel, write, take breaks and more because I know Gopan will hold the fort and take care of Dhruv. He is my go to guy and the one person who apart from me, truly knows and understands Dhruv with all his strengths and challenges. The father and son have their own “boys time” and do a lot of fun things together. I thank my stars that Gopan is super supportive as a dad and a husband. There are many more dads like him and sometimes I feel they don’t get enough credit. So here’s to all the Autism dads who support their families, YOU GUYS ROCK 😊

Disclaimer: The views expressed are my personal thoughts and are not meant to offend anyone’s beliefs and sensibilities.